RESOURCES
- Take the free Serenity Sphere assessment
- Buy the book “THE 28 DAY Runway” by Christina Williams on Amazon
- Buy the book “Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer on Amazon
- Get your Apple Smart Watch and monitor your heart rate on the “heart graph” app
- Visit Christina Williams website imaginewhaticanbe.com
- Listen to this episode on iTunes
- Watch this episode on YouTube
- Subscribe to Christina Williams on YouTube
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro Snip
00:51 Introduce Christina Williams
02:50 What are the 5 love languages?
03:44 Why should everyone take the love languages quiz?
05:57 When is “Excellence” not good enough?
08:01 What are you really doing to your body to build muscle?
10:00 What trauma happened to you in childhood that set you on the coping path?
17:02 How were you able to face your fears by giving presentations in front of everyone?
18:32 How do you get over the hump from Victim to Victor?
21:40 When the uncomfortable is your comfort zone, can you just relax? Or do you have to be uncomfortable… because overachievers tend to not be able to just relax…
23:10 What is one of Christina Williams greatest gifts? (Hint: we should all do this)
23:38 How do you make good chemistry and what does that have to do with victim to victor?
25:20 The parasympathetic nervous system; Christina refers to it as her “roommate” and this is why…
28:42 What do you mean by eating intuitively?
30:00 Where do you really make your gains when you are a body builder?
32:30 What is the heart rate monitor app you use?
34:52 What does it mean to be in the present?
36:10 Who is your ideal client?
37:10 Who needs a life coach or health coach?
39:40 Why do you not take on addiction problems?
40:16 A story of a client that got life changing results by having her parents coached
TRANSCRIPT
I’ve now been able to portion control, right? I’m not eating my feelings are like eating over my amount. My roommate, the leptin is like, you’ve had enough. We’re good. Now go do something else. Oh, okay. I can do that. Yeah. We’re going to need a hobby.
You are listening to the Dr. Haley Show, the podcast dedicated to helping you optimize your health. Each episode there will be an interview or a message to help you discover better health. We will be featuring health radicals on the show to bring new ideas to the table, as well as doubling down on key fundamentals to support you living your best life. Your host is no other than the founder of Haley Nutrition Dr. Michael Haley.
I’m Dr. Michael Haley, your show host here on the Dr. Haley Show podcast. Today’s guest is Christina Williams from imaginewhaticanbe.com Christina has a master’s in nutrition and is author of the book the 28 Day Runway Your Pathway to the Healthy Lifestyle of Your Dreams. Her accomplishments are many, some of which we’ll discuss in this podcast. Christina’s passion is inspiring people to lead healthier, more fulfilling lives. You can get started by evaluating your own life by taking the Serenity Sphere Assessment, a 15 minute quiz available on imaginewhaticanbe.com Go to the website and click on Serenity Sphere or look for a link to it below. This podcast somewhere. I took the quiz myself. That’s how I connected with Christina. She’s a health coach. Welcome, Christina. You know, they say if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. Are you doing that?
Every single day; And I feel so lucky that, I say lovingly, I’m on my third life. And the first two were really learning things, that maybe I didn’t want to do. But I think the good part is taking the pieces that serve you and Leaving the others. So yeah, I’m really blessed to not only have a great foundation for what I do, but I get up every single day, and I can’t wait to. I mean, Words of Affirmation is my love language. So literally, I wake up every day and, you know, we’re just working through, life’s little challenges, and I get to have a front row seat to, help people, usually during one of the most challenging times of their lives. Just, just become Luke Skywalker, you know, like, I’m little Yoda sitting here while I’m making lots of Lukes.
I think that’s pretty cool, too. And, you know, it’s neat that you mentioned the love language, but there’s five of them. What are they?
Yeah. Words of affirmation, gifts, Quality time, acts of service and physical touch. Have you ever taken the quiz?
You know, I took your quiz. It was a few weeks ago, and I. I forget how I did. I think, you know, I think there was numerical values, which I don’t think really, mean anything on an assessment because, you know, whether you score, you know, 20 or 80, it’s not about that. Right? It’s. Where are you right now? What can you learn about you in this place in time? I don’t remember how it may have related to love language. I’ve never taken the time to figure out what my own are. Yeah. Or what gets me excited, but I guess probably everyone should.
I think they should, because what it does is it not only helps you to learn about yourselves, you learn how to communicate with your partner and with your loved one around you, on how we can be more efficient with our time and fill our cups up, right? and you know, we have our own little blueprint. it also is really valuable because you learn what not to do, which, you know, is equally as powerful. So we can ask for what we need. Yeah.
Yeah. And I’m a physician. So we use assessments for what level is your pain so we can figure out, you know, are we making progress as you’re going through a care program or what level is your ability? You know, can you get dressed? Can you lift 10 pounds. Can you lift 20 pounds. Can you go through the usual activities of daily living? And it’s just a measurement. This is where you are now and this is where we want to get. And along the way, we’ll repeat the same tests and make sure there’s improvement happening. Yeah I mean we have a we have a saying. Right. If you can’t measure it, you can’t track it. And if you can’t track it then, how do we know where we’re at in any one. you know. So assessments are very good for those that can find the courage to take the time to, dig deep and really answer the questions. Right. Because we can all pretend to be Mother Teresa. And I think that’s what we talked about earlier. You know, is what’s our headspace when we sit down and we try to discover areas around our life? Right. And so that’s also very important.
Yeah, yeah I agree. So you have had some interesting experiences in your life that I want to talk about. And I do know that, you know, and to our audience, some of this might get uncomfortable might get uncomfortable for you Christina. It might get uncomfortable for them. And I think in your situation, you come from a very unique position because not only, you know, there’s some trauma growing up. And then, well, as a competitive bodybuilder, you have to live at such a ridiculous level. It goes beyond… see, I teach people, you know, shoot for excellence. You can’t be perfect.
right?
But in bodybuilding, you almost have to go for perfection. You know? You know, it’s you can’t you almost can’t settle for excellence because everyone in the field is already there.
Yeah, we’re 1%. And, you know, it’s, I and of course, I can only speak to my own experience with bodybuilding and it’s a lot of experience. I, I started competing back in 2010, kind of graduating myself from being a competitive triathlete. I tell people I should have just gotten divorced like normal people, you know? But running seemed to kind of, either running physically or running mentally. Which then, segue into bodybuilding, but, you know, as a professional, something that happens in our minds because you describe something that can really become a mental health issue. We’re not competing for this level of perfection because perfection exists already in our own minds, in our own state, or it doesn’t exist. I think what I was searching for, and the reason why I really love bodybuilding, is it gave me a catalyst to grow. And, in most of my years competing, you know, I’m driving to the gym to hurt myself. Like, who’s doing that? You know, but some might say it’s a form of therapy. And, the same way that we’re digging out these emotional wounds inside, I personally was able to find a zone where, I mean, who gets trophies in their 30s? I didn’t grow up with a childhood where, you know, I was playing baseball or where I could become anything. I was surviving, you know, I got shingles at 15, which I still have the scars from. And so it’s like, okay, what’s a positive way that I can work to kind of heal? And that’s actually what muscles are doing. You know, we’re ripping them and then we’re letting them heal. And then we rip them again and then they just get bigger and they get stronger. And if you can
control damage over time
Yeah, I did it. I call it, Collateral Beauty. And so as a professional, we really do. You know, we’re not looking at the outside like, I don’t listen, I don’t need a hug thinking that my rear delts are not big enough, you know? But what it is, is it really just. It’s a means to work towards something. It’s actually not personal. And I even loved what I hated about it. And I was able to do it in a healthy way, through good mindset and through really good coaching, that’s where I find most people are not, you know, we got to deal with the stuff inside, right? We can’t find a coping mechanism. And that’s really what the Serenity Sphere assessment is about. What am I hiding? You know, because over exercising is a form of coping to not deal with some of the other traumas going on the same way that stress eating is a form of coping. it’s like, which areas of my life are out of balance? And I’ll be honest with you, you know, Michael, I have a hard time kind of finding that level of intensity in the gym because I am happy, you know this. I finally found peace in my life. And I’m not driving the gym to, to kind of go through that trauma anymore, you know. And so I feel so lucky now I get to just sit here like Yoda and watch my little Luke Skywalker’s, and they don’t need to go to the gym like that. But we do need to find some kind of way, you know, I coach a lot of famous people. So what I would say is you can’t lose your shit on television. You know, we saw Britney Spears do that and look what happened. So we have to figure out these ways to kind of like, let the air out of the balloon so that we can, you know, be in balance and we don’t pop.
So, yeah. Yeah, let’s back up and go back to your share some of your childhood trauma to whatever level you’re comfortable with, with the audience. So we can have an understanding where you came from and how you developed into who you are today.
Sure. So I call these my filing systems. It’s like a really positive way for me to say, oh, you had a house burned down me to let me have that file and move it forward. So I grew up, I’ve only met my dad twice. My earliest memories, I did a lot of, Reiki work, which felt like ten years of therapy and like one in a like a four hour session. You know, grew up to my mom who was an alcoholic, leaving us alone. I was taken away at the age of seven. And I only know now as an adult that those things weren’t normal. And I think that’s part of the problem with the system. Right? We only know what we’re exposed to. And, I remember walking to kindergarten, I’ll tell you, my mom dropping us off to this woman who then, locked us in a closet with the lights off and then walked to school by myself, literally with a bag of powdered sugar. And I thought I was so lucky because I’m like, none of these other kids are eating, you know, this is amazing. But in reality, there was no food in the house. You know? I mean, powdered milk, powdered eggs. I felt super lucky when she bought those orange concentrated juices because to me, that was ice cream, you know, spoon. You know, and I wasn’t an easy kid. Anyhow, so my, my
I’m chuckling a little bit because I can actually relate because I did that. But not because that was the only thing that was there. Yeah, yeah, I had all kinds of options I grew up in. I was, you know, completely blessed growing up. But I know what you’re talking about.
Yeah, the things we normalize right. And so, that brings me until, Oh, around the age of ten, then I got sent to live with my aunt and uncle who I didn’t learn until probably four years ago, were functioning meth addicts. And, you know, my aunt had a very senior executive job and, I don’t really care. Who knows. This is part of my story. My mom died when I was 15. so there was, like, living in this house. My hands are shaking a little bit, because when you live in a house where there’s abuse and where there’s a lot of yelling, you know, you walk on eggshells. And so what I the way that that transitioned my behavior was, you better be perfect. You know, you keep your mouth closed, you do your chores, you do your job. Because we don’t know, I mean, I would come home not knowing what I was going to walk into. And so it’s like if I look at the two while living with my mom, that was never around and like, no food till like nine years of, oh my God. You know, like I said, I got shingles at 15, dressing in high school. And like, I still have the scars. I didn’t even know what that meant. And it was a teacher, actually, that took me to the doctors, and they were like, you have shingles. I don’t know what this means. It means you’re really stressed. And so then I realized back then that same teacher, Mrs. Hughes, what would we do in the world without a Mrs. Hughes? I think we all have one there. What? Maya Angelou calls our rainbows. You know, and I wasn’t not a good student. I just never turned my homework in. my focus was, don’t get yelled at, don’t go get screamed at. Don’t do anything wrong. Things will break, you know? That’s. Yeah. Like I said, shake it a little bit. Just talk about it. But in saying that, she was like, you’re better than this, and I know that you did your homework. You need to turn it in. So she really pushed me. She got me into Mensa, and I started doing speech writing, and it I found this modality, you know, almost kind of like bodybuilding, but where, hey, I can lose myself in these, speeches that I can write. And then I’m going to go get scared for the right reasons, and I’m going to stand up in front of these people, and I’m going to try. And that’s really where I saw the love and my reward system actually being invested in. And so then I focused on that, and it was that first year actually, that I got all this is the seventh grade. To give you a context, I got all straight A’s except for one B, and that was in Mrs. Hughes class, which super bugged me out because, you know, I thought. Anyhow, and then I found ROTC in high school, and that became my family. And it allowed me to do something that I, I really kind of identified with my super senior executives. My chief of staff’s is we get to wear a uniform and that uniform, boy, you can iron and you can hide a lot of things from the world. And so that I basically wore that uniform. I put myself through my undergrad, I went to a military academy, and I just learned a system where, hey, boy, you can get accolades. And these feel pretty good. We don’t need love. We don’t need, we don’t need family. And so I climbed the ladder. I took, 33 units every semester at school. Graduated my undergrad in business. And again, I just really excelled because work felt work was safe. I couldn’t I understood this, you know? Yeah. So, you know
30 units is, 20 units is a load.
Yeah. Yeah. and now my daughter actually is going to the same school and she’s at 25 units. And I’m like, buck up, kid. we’re going to do it, you know, but we kind of trauma bond. Going to a military academy is not easy. But yeah, I’m proud of her. And I know that she’s going to be set up to just, you know, be a rock star human, like, her own self doesn’t need to be like her mom. But, you know, hopefully making a nice contribution to the world and to people’s future.
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So the cool thing that I, well I heard a lot of cool things in there, but after being afraid to do anything wrong in the situation you were in and, you know, maybe you’re going to get screamed at and put down for, you know, the wrong reasons just because people are angry or whatever it is.
Yeah.
And now you’re putting yourself in a situation where you’re going to be in front of people, which is totally facing your fears, because you’re going to give this speech that you wrote and face the fear of doing something wrong in front of everybody.
Yeah.
Wow. There’s a…
but it was on my terms and that was the difference. You know, if I could put myself in control and learn how to manage this, these emotions and translate it into a positive for me channel because I’m not a victim. You know, one thing I tell people, I say, listen, we’re searching for reasons or we’re searching for answers, and it really is a choice. And it’s something that, I kind of get flack from my friends because I, I need to be a little bit more, you know, I’ll say moldable. But we had the same books in school, and I know the environment that I was going home. And I have every reason to not be successful, and it was a choice. And so I really want to help people find that courage, just love them enough that they can just keep going. Because none of this is easy.
You know, even this part could be uncomfortable for people listening. When we talk about triumph over trauma, when we talk about Victor, not victim, because, you know, people feel that they’re victims and they don’t want to let go of that. No. Don’t you understand? How do you get over the hump from victim to victor?
You know, it’s really interesting because I see for women, sometimes it’s hormonal. We have to kind of look at these areas, our entire endocrine system sometimes is not in balance to support the internal drive to want to face these things. So I’m only putting a pin in that to say that. Listen, it’s not all willpower, okay? it’s really not. I was lucky enough that my body could, answer the call to my demands, but I think there was a moment in my life where, I worked three jobs. I worked two jobs in high school. And, you know, it basically was like, hey, don’t be home. So go do some things. And, I remember that there was a moment where actually somebody ran. I was it who in high school is an assistant manager at sport Mart? I was, you know, but in saying that, I remember that there was this guy that ran in with a gun and he, like, wanted to steal things. And I literally just sat on the ground in the shoe department behind some walls. And I was like, just make it to college, Christina. just make it to college. You’re going to do it. Just if you can survive this moment. And I think I looked around and I just thought, I don’t want to be like them, I don’t I this is not my story. And so honestly, there are times where I’m kind of lovingly manipulating clients to try to put them in these really uncomfortable moments so that they recognize they have a choice. And, I’m pushing a little bit, but, you know, it’s like the frog, you know, if you’re in the, the water and you’re comfortable and they just slowly turn up the heat, you’ll never jump out. I was really, really lucky for things to be really, really bad because if they were halfway mediocre, we wouldn’t be on this call, you know what I mean? And I live in San Francisco, where there’s a lot of people that are very comfortable. they were born of money and means, and their mental health is, I mean, in rapid decline because honestly, they’re bored. You know, I’ve been chased by lions growing up. You know, I had to learn how to run.
Right.
So sometimes when you’re not chased by lions, one of the most difficult things is go get uncomfortable.
I like the struggle. I like being uncomfortable. You know, the uncomfortable is my comfort zone.
Yeah
I like it there. You know, because there’s more to learn. If people are going to get upset at the way my business handled something or the people that work for me or myself.
Yeah
Okay. Well, now, by you telling me that it’s not gonna make me uncomfortable, it’s going to make me recognize that there’s room for improvement.
Yeah
And that just helps me get to the next level of excellence.
So, Michael, let me ask you a question, because it’s probably easier for those of us that are comfortable in the uncomfortable, but something that I realize and I find, we share is that we misconstrue relaxation with boredom, with, confusion of am I board? Am I lazy or am I relaxed? Right. Because we can’t operate at 100 miles an hour all the time with all of the things, right? I bring it up because, you know, as overachievers, sometimes that is the unknown. Sometimes the comfortable was great. But now. Now just sit. What do we do? I don’t know, you better go get up. Go get comfortable again. that’s normal. And then the reality balance should be normal, right? So do you. Do you also struggle with that? Am I bored and my tired or am I.
I mean, I used to have a hard time staying in one place, at least in admit.
What do you do on vacation? Because that’s kind of when it hits right. We’re like actively leaving our vortex. And then we sit there and we’re like, oh, am I tired or am I lazy? Is this right? Because again, it’s balance.
You might be on to something. Yes, I do have a, you know, history of cutting vacations short.
Yeah. So you know, but again, like I said, staying busy all the time. And the reason I bring this up is because one of the greatest gifts I had in this third life is being present. And it really is a gift. And I have to do some self work and really quiet my mind because I’m not tired, I’m not lazy, I’m not bored. I’m just here. Yeah. It’s hard. That’s right. Now that’s a hard one. I know you’re like, oh now she turned it on me.
And I mean it’s time to think about oh no, no, actually what I want to go back to because I thought it was so brilliant. The answer when I was asking about, how do you get over the hump from victim to victor? You talked about essentially chemistry is essentially what you were saying. You know, how you eat, how you think, the rest you get. All of these things contribute to your nutrition in your body chemistry, and they change how we think. when we laugh, we make happy chemicals.
Yes
that, make us more likely to be that. Victor.
Yeah.
As we consume a good diet, we’re feeding our microbiome. We’re feeding the good guys so that they can flourish and kick out the bad guys.
Right.
And when we’re kicking out the bad guys, we start feeling better, making good chemistry, good nutrition for our minds to work. And I really heard that. And I was like, wow, that is such a brilliant answer. It’s not just mind over matter. I can do this. It’s making good decisions in my life nutritionally. Getting rest. What are some of the other things? Exercise?
Yeah. You know, I’ll really highlight sleep. and quote one of my, Doctor friends, Dr. Asav. And I love this line. And it’s, it’s actually one of the first things I talk about in my book, is there is no nutrition plan and no exercise program that can make up for the lack of sleep. And it’s just so one of my first things that, again, affect your body chemistry, is trying to create that symphony between you and your parasympathetic nervous system. And it’s I that’s she’s my roommate. Is what I call her. And, you know, we blame the roommate for a lot of things.
But, you know, that internal, roommate is making a lot of decisions for us, and She’s the one that’s really kicking off these chemical reactions that in her mind, are trying to protect me. Right. So you brought up a, a great point. I have this story that I talk with about clients, and I use the analogy of a gazelle. Oh, this gazelle, she’s out on the plains, she’s eating her fill of grass and burgers and anything. And all of a sudden we see a lion. And now she has to run. And the challenge is, is that her body cannot digest food into nutrients and run to save her life at the same time, you know, and so people when we struggle with like, what is happening, we don’t realize that Our roommate that parasympathetic nervous system, she doesn’t know the difference between a lion chasing you. Right. Which is a real threat and perceived threat. Right? Coming home to potential, knowing that you’re going to get yelled at, right? Or that, there’s going to be tense, tense situation in any of the environment. You work environment, home, any of it. And so it’s when you talk about nutrition and the way that we feed ourselves is not just what we’re eating and it’s almost like this terrible dichotomy, right? Because I just eat for comfort food, but I’m really in a bad mental state. And so it doesn’t even matter. You could have chosen something, quote unquote healthy, but your roommate is like, I’m in a state of survival. And so I don’t really care that your food choices were good. I’m protecting you right now, which is all hands on deck. And it’s. Yeah. So what are some of the things I’d say sleep is first, and then the second is just trying to check in with yourself. Right. That. Okay. Is my roommate happy right now? What’s she telling me? And then I always usually tell people, let’s drink ourselves skinny. You know, the US, an average of water is like 17oz for kids and 23 for adults. And so then I really, really focus on my book is we can all talk about drinking more water, teach me how to do it. Great. I know I’m supposed drink more water. Supposed to get a good night’s sleep. Help me, help me, help me understand how in my very complicated life am I supposed to do these things? And that’s actually why I wrote, the 28 day runways. Because people need these basics, you know, because the foundation of health really is, setting yourself up for success, you know, taking a break from the body that sleep, our superhighway of fluids is blood and water. So let’s make sure that those guys are good. and then the rest, trying to get yourself and your roommate, to try to eat intuitively. Right. Those are really the three goals, I would say. But the first two are the most important.
Okay. And by intuitively, you mean.
So intuitively, you know, this this roommate is telling you when you’re hungry and when you’re not. The challenge is, is that we have our leptin and ghrelin, these two chemicals that our brain is making. Right. So ghrelin, is our reward system, and then leptin is our hunger, right? Our raising of our hand, of our hunger. And the challenge of what we don’t realize is that we think we know when we’re hungry. But the problem is, is that our reward system can really suppress the hand raising of the hey, we’re really hungry. And so it’s getting yourself to a place where I understand what my roommate is telling me, and I can take care of her by answering that call. And so it’s like, if you get a good night’s sleep, you’re not irritable, so you’re not tired. And then when I’m well hydrated, I’m not confusing hunger with dehydration and now my roommate and I can just have a real conversation, which is like, okay, I’ve now been able to portion control, right? I’m not eating my feelings are like eating over my amount. My roommate, the leptin is like, you’ve had enough. We’re good. Now go do something else. Oh, okay. I can do that. Yeah. We’re going to need a hobby.
Yeah.
A fun twist on the getting rest. I think this is neat. Especially for body building. In the gym, you already alluded to the fact that that’s where you’re actually doing the breaking down. You’re not making gains in the gym. You’re making the gains when you’re sleeping and things are repairing.
Exactly.
And if you don’t give yourself a chance to do that, it’s not going to happen the right way.
I tell people all the time. More is not more. And then I’m going to give you a little science tool. Every single client that I have they were a heart rate monitor. And I look at every graph every day so that I can make sure that their roommate, right, is the roommate is really important Because she’s making decisions that you aren’t even aware of. But in saying that, is that understanding what I really wanted to ask my body, but then what did I really do to her? Right. And so when you take running, for example, the brain takes several steps to break down fat as a fuel source, both stored fat and consumed fat. Well, as soon as you go to get on the freeway, right, the car is going to fast. It no longer has time to do that conversion. And so then what happens is, is that, from my non eaters you didn’t have any glycogen stores in those muscles and you burn through them. And then the next most readily available fuel source is what? protein. And that’s sitting in our muscles. Right. And so it’s like we end up robbing from Peter to pay Paul thinking that, you know, we’re really running away from our jobs, for example. Right. Thinking that we’re doing something that’s good, but we really need this heart rate monitor to really give. I love data, because it’s facts I live in the fact, with hugs, I’m facting and hugging all day long. but when you learn the facts about your body. And what did I think I asked my body to do? But what did I really ask her to do is where the sweet spot comes from. Creating balance. All right, if that makes sense. So for all the listeners, please get a heart rate monitor. I’m happy to share like a, a video that talks about how do I take control, where I’m getting fuel. But it really is the missing link to people’s health when they’re looking at health choice. Heart rate monitor. What am I doing?
And that could be a smartwatch, I believe.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. Doesn’t that do it for you? And you’re connected to an app of some kind?
Yeah. My favorite, actually, is the Apple Watch, and I use a an app called Heart Graph. And the reason why I love that one is because it puts the control back in your hands. As opposed to, like, the rings on an Apple Watch. if you ran for an hour and you were in that, yellow, orange and red zone, you literally just burn through muscle mass, your storing body fat. like you never see bodybuilders running on a treadmill. Like, maybe we figured some things out. You know, but that’s one of the keys, right? Is that I know exactly where my body is looking for fuel, and I’m in control, so, yeah, an Apple Watch is my favorite. If you have an Garmin, you can look at the zones. And it’s not that you can’t get up there. We can’t stay up there, you know? Not unless you’re an elite athlete and your nutrition is on point with a specialist. You know, because you need to eat according to what you’re asking of your body. Yeah. Especially as we age. You know, our metabolic health. You know, that’s really what we’re speaking to. it’s like the, the super armor. And if we don’t start taking care of it with our lifestyle choices, exercising is one of them. it’s really going to start to decline, especially as our, our testosterone, is declining as we age. which is a really important hormone to protect us both in men and women
Yeah,
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You talked about being in the present, but you also talked about your roommate. Is your roommate still there when you’re in the present, or is your roommate, is she on vacation?
So there’s a great book called Untethered Soul, and it really speaks to the roommate philosophy. And so to answer that question, when I’m in the present, my roommate is there, but she’s quiet. And that’s because me, the Christina that gets to make the decisions, I’ve told her, I hear you. Not right now. We’re going to be here. Yeah. So it’s a choice.
Okay. that’s nice.
The typical I try, We use for our philosophy called crowding out, which means, you know, we’re just going to spend more time with the things that we love or that were serving us, and a little less time with the things that are not. So maybe part of my behaving myself is that I don’t really want to listen to my roommate today, you know, she’s just going to complain about stuff. So I’m going to do my job to keep her at bay
Oh, boy, take your pick on this one. What’s your typical client or who is your ideal client?
My ideal client is any ambitious human being who wants to be their best, feel their best? I think ambition really is my key. Because if you have the heart and the drive, I mean, I can change anything, but you’re height, you know? I mean, literally, I even learned how to DJ because really, it scared me. But it’s, I live the things that I preach about, and so I really ambition once we clear the cobwebs out, you know, food is easy. Lifestyle stuff. You know, that stuff for me is pretty easy. It’s like, I want people who dream, you know what I mean? And they don’t. You don’t even need to be really an optimist, but just that you’re like, you know what? I want more, I want more, and I’m. And I’m going to show up for myself because a lot of people don’t show up. And sometimes showing up is like half the battle. yeah,
for sure, for sure. Wow. When it comes to, life coach, health coach. How many people need one?
Well, everyone needs one. Everyone needs one for. I think that, if you would ask me this question, eight years ago, I would say, maybe if my mom met someone like me and could support her through her own challenges that happened in her life from sexual abuse, you know, which then translated into alcohol abuse and, and other life story and she’s not a bad person. I just think that, we’re only now in an age where mental health is being discussed and back in the day, you have to think they were coming from a time of war, back in the 40s, their moms, moms, mom. And, those are challenges that, listen, we can rename schools all we like. Those things happened. They affect people and they didn’t talk about them. Sometimes I think now we might talk about them too much. You know, we got to start doing and not just talking. But I realize that maybe if my mom, met someone like me, that maybe my life would have started out a little differently. I’m not happy, but I am, you know, I’m. I’m happy that I lived uncomfortably because, you know, T.D. Jakes, who’s one of my favorite, pastors, philosophers, he says, pursue a life that’s easy and life will be hard. Pursue a life that’s hard and life will be easy. And so I feel lucky in that, I think if everybody had someone that didn’t have a personal bias but was really just out for their own positive development, you know, it’s like, don’t impact your crazy on your partner. but you have someone that you can talk through and work through life’s. I think we expected our parents to do these things. They’re not trained. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a parent. You know, myself being one. But yeah, I think we hoped our parents would be this great sounding word of advice and wisdom. And unfortunately, there’s a serious lack. And I would say, if people can get support when they need it, sometimes problems just don’t fix themselves, you know?
Yeah. Do you have a favorite client story? Maybe someone that was on the path that your mother was on, where you were able to help them?
You know, addiction is really something that I have to be very, very careful with early on in my career. And this is why I have a very, rigorous vetting process. You know, I’m not for everyone. And so if someone is battling through addiction, I have a great support network that they will start with before they come to me. So in saying that really because they’re layers of an onion and we need to we’re you need a specialist, you need someone that’s really very well versed and that’s from addiction.
It could kill them.
Yeah. Yeah. And so it would be remiss of me to take someone’s money and coach them when they’re on another degree where they need support and I would rob them of time but I can definitely share one where it didn’t happen. it’s actually one of the first stories I talk about in my book. It was a client, and she’s very quiet. You know, normally people are unpacking all of their things together. You know, because life coaching is very much like therapy. we have a very close, kinship, if you will. And so, very nice girl. Our check ins were usually we just talked about food and they were very fast, you know, maybe 20 minutes, which normally people sit with me for about an hour and, she came and I answered the door, and she had been crying. And, you know, normally she was very stoic, she wore her uniform very well. I welcomed her in and I said, are you sure you want to do your check in today? It looks like you’re upset. And she sat there and she said, can we just talk? Of course. And again, This wasn’t my normal experience with her. And so then she proceeded to tell me that, she went to her family’s for Thanksgiving and she loves her mom and dad. You know, she loves mom and dad, she loves her brother she loves her sister. And she’s like, I didn’t know how to sit there and listen to them, call her younger sister fat and make fun of her for how much she put on her plate. And the way that she was eating. You’re talking about, so my client at the time was 28, and her sister is ten, so very big age gap. And it triggered her. It triggered all of these emotions from childhood. And she’s like, I don’t really know what to do. I can’t help her. I can’t save her. And I said, well, it sounds like, you have a very loving mother and father, and maybe they just need some support, maybe, you know, and in their culture, food is a weapon, you know, food can be a weapon, but it also can be a hug. And so I’m like, do you think they would be open for me coming and talking to them? You know, these are wonderful people. Maybe they just need some help because you know what? It doesn’t sound to me like they feel good. So what if we can focus on trying to help your mom and dad feel good? And that will trickle down to the kids, and we can try to look at food and, some budget friendly ideas. would you just ask, you know, so she calls her mom, hey, my coach wants to come and sit and talk with the family, you know, at the time, I’m a single mom. I gotta ask for a babysitter. I’m not making a lot of money. I’m working two jobs. I’m running a boot camp. I’m running this company, and, you know, so I get a babysitter, I drive by, the 30 minutes to a mom and dad’s house in my broken Spanish. we sit down and I come in, and I just try to make them feel comfortable. And I wanted them to be excited about food. And then I really wanted them to be excited to learn. And so that was kind of first thing. Again, back to ambition. They have a good heart to are they ambitious in a way to learn? Yes they were. And so I literally spent three hours, I’ll say, 50% Spanish, 50% English, with some help translating from my client and from her brother. And by the time I left that night, they were really excited. And the brother was going to start shopping at Costco. I wrote them all meal plans, and we didn’t need to talk about the elephant in the room, because the elephant was so much bigger. The elephant was, although focused, a backhanded comments to the sister. None of them feel good and they don’t know what to do. You know, they’re raised with, cooking, lard with the beans and things like that. And it’s like in this country, our view of health and wellness is a lot different. Right? But you don’t feel good. So why don’t we just try to get some more energy and let me help you guys. And then I supported them through that transition, you know, wasn’t making money off that. And I didn’t need to. But what it did was it made me recognize because what happens is, you know, so how is that tying into your question? That poor girl, she’s got to go to high school and she’s looking at herself in the mirror and she’s going home, not feeling good about herself. Who knows what decisions would have happened, and I’ll tell you, I’m still in contact with them. they’re doing great. she’s off to college, and it’s like a little bit of love and effort to stop a cycle, and that’s where you focus, right? Not that the addiction and not that can’t have resources, but that’s a different set of people. My aim is we’re going to the roots of the trees like I speak at a high schools, just trying to teach them. Hey guys, maybe let’s not opt for the Matcha. And can we just start waking up in the morning and just drinking a little bit of water because no one’s really taught them how. And so my focus personally is at catching them before so we can make the longer, lasting impact. So we don’t go to addiction. You know, we have these tools because addiction is just a form of self-soothing. Right? And it could be porn addiction. It could be drugs, it could be alcohol, it could be anything. Right? It’s just, it’s a distraction from not dealing with really what the root of the problem is. And so, you know, the other thing it really helped me realize was, I come in and I might coach the mom or I might coach the dad, and then the kids will look at, well, dad’s food looks so much better than mine, you know. And so we can’t have the kids eating bean and cheese burritos while the mom, is learning. And so really, my other goal is that, I look at the whole family, I look at the household, I ask lots of questions because I need to look at them because they might not be the client, but they really are. They’re the support system. And if this support system doesn’t feel good, it really doesn’t matter to me that the mom lost 20 pounds.
Yeah, yeah, you may have completely changed the trajectory of that ten year old’s life. Yeah. By working through your client to the family and now all of them are changed. Yeah, that is cool. Thank you. And you got a good story for your book out of it I like it.
Well, you know, I it took me six years to write the book and I didn’t have an opening story. And I have to thank my friend Steve. who is, part of one of the reasons why Amazon fire, you know, even came to life. He was on the development plan And he’s like, you know what you need. Christina as he was helping me, you know, go through my final edit. Now, see, what do I need with this book? I said, save me forever. And he says, you know, you need a good opening story. Talk about your people. And I spent so much time trying to protect their privacy and trying to protect our struggle privately that I thought, is there a way where I can speak about something that’s relevant but also protect their anonymity? No one is ever going to know who these people are. But you know what? They’re probably a lot of our listeners, because this story is happening every single day, and we have to learn how to be part of a solution and not part of a problem.
Yeah, I agree is imaginewhatIcanbe.com the best place for them to go to find out more and maybe take the assessment as I did.
Yes, please. That’s a one of the best ways we can start, because this process should be about them. It’s not about me. I’m just the vehicle. But if they want to learn about themselves and, you know, Yeah, I want to. I want to see the world heal and feel better Great.
Great. Is there anything you wish I had asked?
I’ve really enjoyed our time. you can really tell when you have chemistry with another human that’s just actively trying to, be that positive impact in the world. And I was be, I’m present with you. So, my brain isn’t thinking, oh, where should we be going? It’s just here in this moment. And I’m really thankful for the opportunity and to share my message with folks. So I really appreciate you.
I think we both have the same joy in what we do because we do get to help people. For me, a lot of the people that follow me and are learning from people like you that are on this show are going through health challenges.
Yeah, many have already overcome their health challenges and significant health challenges where they do have to operate at near perfection. There is no other choice. And it’s a crash course. You know where they need to learn fast and, getting your expertise and understanding it just adds to it. So I do want to thank you for being on the show. People go to the website, take the assessment. If nothing else, it gives you something to think about and chew on and eat good, you know, good night sleep.
Yeah.
Good rest.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Christina. Thank you so much, Michael. I appreciate you.
I hope you enjoyed that episode today on the Dr. Haley Show. Make sure to hit subscribe on whichever platform you are listening to this. If this episode made you think of someone, go ahead, take a screenshot and share this exact episode with them. You can catch the show notes for this episode on www.drhaley.com If you want to geek out with Dr. Michael Haley on other radical health topics. Be sure to check out his YouTube channel where he posts exclusive video content. All the details are at www.drhaley.com, and we can’t wait to hang out with you on the next episode.
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